Real Talk - The Real Reason for the MIA
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So you may have noticed a substantial lag between my last two blog posts (probably an understatement but just go with it). The short version of the story is... well the struggle is real. The long version... well it's a bit longer.
I'm a person having a struggle with life overall. If you've ever read my "About Us" page you learned my crafting began as a coping mechanism after a deep loss. If you read my "In the Life and Times of the Soap Witch" blog post then you know, that deep loss was my husband and father of my two sons. Admittedly I downplay this loss to people I don't know. I am afraid of coming across as attention seeking. Nevertheless this is a very real fact about my life and very real experience that has influenced everything about the person I have become and am continually becoming.Â
I've decided I can speak about this experience without feeling like I am attention speaking. I've also decided that speaking about my experience and how it has effected me in my creative spaces is valid and can be helpful to someone else. I am often humorous, sarcastic and sometimes downright silly, because that has always been my nature AND I enjoy it. However there is another side that legitimately struggles when those hard memories resurface and I fall into depression.
And here we are to the reason for my MIA. I fell into a depression and struggled with my ability to be creative. I struggled with finding value in myself and with worrying about the value or lack of value others may find in me and all my hard work. You see, to me, this isn't just a business about making money (OK now don't get my wrong, a business needs to make money, pretty please buy my stuff, it's all the best ever!). Â
BUT for me this is also incredibly personal. I pour myself into this business, into these products, into formulating the perfect offerings for myself, my family and my customers. I agonize over precise measurements. I am always perfecting my processes and if it's not good enough I am not afraid to trash something and start over. Only the absolute best is good enough for me and my clients and that takes a lot of time, effort and investment.
With all of the energy and emotion I put into the creation of my products it is hard to avoid the little seed of doubt that creeps in and spreads and attempts to take over. When that happens it is so easy for the negativity to spread like wildfire and it makes a perfect breeding ground for depression to rear its ugly head (Yep ugly, I sooooooo went there).
So how did I make it back? A lot of self-reflection and an absolute refusal to give up. One thing I am NOT is a quitter. I won't ever quit on myself, my family or my customers. I have something of value to give and I won't ever be deterred from giving it, no matter how tough. Hopefully I won't pull another disappearing act as my confidence in my abilities and who I am is steadily increasing, but if I ever do, I hope after this you can understand why and that I will always be back.
I'd like to know for anyone who wants to share... when the going gets tough, how do you handle it? Â
Thanks for sticking to the end and see you next time!
The Soap Witch
Comments (2)
When my husband left during the 5th month of my fifth pregnancy I focused on my 3 living children. When my youngest child died during open heart surgery I focused once again on my 3 living children because they were grieving too and needed a sane mother. When my daughter, Makeda who had moved to Houston, Texas called to tell me she was having some strange health symptoms I was worried. She told me not to worry but I knew something was wrong. I was already a voracious reader but I needed more so I started doing crossword puzzles compulsively. I liked Afrocentric things do I started cutting up my Afrocentric calendars and making magnets and giving them away.
Finally Makeda’s neighbor called me and said she was seriously ill and needed help. I was on the first flight to Texas I could get. She was going blind and losing her balance. The doctor told her she had MS and to expect to lose her sight and her ability to walk. So she found a better doctor whose treatment helped her. I organised our family members to each stay with her until we could get her home. In my downtimes I started making Afrocentric Christmas ornaments. I sold them to friends, family and colleagues. Then I started making small decorated Afrocentric Christmas trees and wreaths. Then I started designing Afrocentric jewelry. All this creativity based on my concern for my daughter. I have gotten older and have stopped crafting but I still read like crazy and write.
You are amazing! I have also been through a loss of sorts. My husband of more than 21 years walked out without warning about 16 months ago. Coincidentally, it also led me into making skin care products. Getting through the dark times can be tough. I try to remind myself to be grateful for what I have and look at all the good things in my life. I have to remember that not being productive today does not equal failure. Exercise helps, if I can make it happen, and sometimes, so does chocolate. But sometimes, I think you just have to get through the day, and hope tomorrow will be better.
You are incredibly strong and resilient! Correction, WE are incredibly strong and resilient, and we will get through this.