Real Talk - The Real Reason for the MIA
So you may have noticed a substantial lag between my last two blog posts (probably an understatement but just go with it). The short version of the story is... well the struggle is real. The long version... well it's a bit longer.
I'm a person having a struggle with life overall. If you've ever read my "About Us" page you learned my crafting began as a coping mechanism after a deep loss. If you read my "In the Life and Times of the Soap Witch" blog post then you know, that deep loss was my husband and father of my two sons. Admittedly I downplay this loss to people I don't know. I am afraid of coming across as attention seeking. Nevertheless this is a very real fact about my life and very real experience that has influenced everything about the person I have become and am continually becoming.
I've decided I can speak about this experience without feeling like I am attention speaking. I've also decided that speaking about my experience and how it has effected me in my creative spaces is valid and can be helpful to someone else. I am often humorous, sarcastic and sometimes downright silly, because that has always been my nature AND I enjoy it. However there is another side that legitimately struggles when those hard memories resurface and I fall into depression.
And here we are to the reason for my MIA. I fell into a depression and struggled with my ability to be creative. I struggled with finding value in myself and with worrying about the value or lack of value others may find in me and all my hard work. You see, to me, this isn't just a business about making money (OK now don't get my wrong, a business needs to make money, pretty please buy my stuff, it's all the best ever!).
BUT for me this is also incredibly personal. I pour myself into this business, into these products, into formulating the perfect offerings for myself, my family and my customers. I agonize over precise measurements. I am always perfecting my processes and if it's not good enough I am not afraid to trash something and start over. Only the absolute best is good enough for me and my clients and that takes a lot of time, effort and investment.
With all of the energy and emotion I put into the creation of my products it is hard to avoid the little seed of doubt that creeps in and spreads and attempts to take over. When that happens it is so easy for the negativity to spread like wildfire and it makes a perfect breeding ground for depression to rear its ugly head (Yep ugly, I sooooooo went there).
So how did I make it back? A lot of self-reflection and an absolute refusal to give up. One thing I am NOT is a quitter. I won't ever quit on myself, my family or my customers. I have something of value to give and I won't ever be deterred from giving it, no matter how tough. Hopefully I won't pull another disappearing act as my confidence in my abilities and who I am is steadily increasing, but if I ever do, I hope after this you can understand why and that I will always be back.
I'd like to know for anyone who wants to share... when the going gets tough, how do you handle it?
Thanks for sticking to the end and see you next time!
The Soap Witch